Archives for posts with tag: ‘public school

You know whats a weird feeling? Having a friend move miles and miles away and the first time they call you since the big move, to actually want to click “ignore” on your phone screen. I’ve never felt it before, not with this friend, but i’ve definitely wanted to. Her names Kristen, or at least, thats what I’ll be calling her on here. Kristen was one of my first female friends that i’ve felt this close to. Sure, i’ve had other girl friends in the past but compared to Kristen, they all felt like mere acquaintances.

When you watch tv, you see all these female friendships. and as a girl growing up, i don’t give a shit what you say, you wanted a girl-on-girl friendship like you see in tv shows and movies. and honestly, with the increase in technology, that seems to be less and less possible. and in this girl, Kristen, i felt i’d found that tv perfect friendship. I could go over her house whenever, any time any day and her family would welcome me even if she wasn’t home. I could call her family with problems and she could call mine with hers. Her and i saw each other generally a few times a week and had sleepovers most weekends,.

but she started changing. She got more selfish, more self centered. When i went over her house to talk about stuff with her, she started just changing the subject back to her, she started to get into different sorts of things. She started going to high school parties, and not inviting me. She started hooking up with guys and i’d hear about it in school, not from her, but from rumors that Kristen was an easy lay. She started doing naughty things for weed and attention. She started hanging out with shady people in shady parts of town. and nothing i said mattered.

My opinion didn’t matter, it didn’t count. I knew nothing, i didn’t know what she was going through. I was the curvy mixed friend. She was the skinny blonde. I was “just jealous” that she was getting attention. and it just escalated. I wanted to get out of the friend ship, but what if something happened to her?

What if Kristen needed me and i wasn’t there? At this point, her family had stopped trusting her – she was stealing money from them and lying constantly. And what was i supposed to do when they called me, her best friend, to make sure she didn’t lie when she said she was going to my house and i had no idea where she actually was? I felt guilty, like i had to be there for her because if i wasn’t, who else would be? She had made it so she had no one else. and with the path she was headed down, i couldn’t very well abandon her.

It was a stressful experience, being her friend, and she started making me feel bad about myself. A friend is supposed to be someone you go to to get encouragement and to help you feel confident and happy in your own skin. She was doing the exact opposite. I came home from seeing her every time feeling worse about myself. I felt like the ugly friend, always. Like the fat friend, always. Like the one who wasn’t worth the time of day. All i wanted was a friend. and i had one, only to have her change into a completely different person throughout high school.

After we graduated, neither of us went to college right away. I had hoped, so much, that we would be able to part ways after high school peacefully and naturally, and that i wouldn’t have to be the douchebag friend that “needs to talk about something” with her. but that never happened.

Now, a year after high school, shes finally finally moved away. Not for college, but for personal reasons. I’ve never felt more relieved. Shes been gone about 4 days and contacted me directly for the first time after various instagram tags. I was at work and had to ignore it but when i texted her asking if it was something important and she said no, it felt good. It felt good to know that if i don’t want to, i don’t have to call her back.  I don’t have to keep in contact with her. I can be my own person and make my own friends and i can once again feel good when i look in the mirror. I feel good. Its a nice change.  But it is weird. I don’t feel like its a big loss. Sure, i cried at first when i thought about my best friend leaving. but I’m actually happy. and not only for myself, hopefully, this will be a good change for her, too.

I want everything to work out for both of us, But i think that for everything to work out for both of us, our friendship needs to end. I’m ready to leave it in the past and i feel like finally, Kristen is too.

Anna

I wish i could still write like i used to. I used to have such great ideas for all kinds of short stories and books i wanted to write and now theyre all *poof* gone. I couldn’t sit down and write a decent story if i tried and believe me, i have. its like ive had terrible writers block since about age 16. I once went to a book signing at a local library around when i stopped writing and i feel like it just pushed me further down into this rut i seem to be in. The intention wasn’t for that to happen, but i feel like it did nonetheless.

A girl, a year or two younger than i was at the time, was doing a book signing for the book she had published. It was a fantasy book, and i remember there being faeries, but i don’t really remember much else. I just remember sitting there in the audience as this girl and her family talked about how long it took to get it published, the process and how difficult and expensive it was because they basically had to get a small publishing company and then essentially pay for the entirety of the book. It was around then that i started to feel that i’d never actually make it as a writer like I’d always hoped.

I knew my family would absolutely no doubt help me with every part of the process but thats not what i wanted. I wanted to do it myself. And i knew i could always just go online and either write a blog (hehe…) or try and publish it as an e-book but that never appealed to me either – i wanted a physical copy of my book. Of my work of art, my personal accomplishment. I wanted to be able to carry around my book with me, with my name across the cover and say “I wrote this. I got this published. This is my brain-child. ”

Somewhere along the way, i got discouraged when i figured out i wasn’t too good at writing full stories. I tend to get too into the descriptions and lose track of where i intended the story to go. I am, however, really good at poetry. But that was discouraging to me, for some reason. I didn’t want to publish a book of poetry, i wanted a story immersed in a fantasy world of my own making. and no matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t manage to do it. and i can’t really explain why i was so against a book of poetry except that i myself hate reading poetry and felt I’d be unsuccessful in that field because if i hated it, i for some reason assumed others hated reading it as well.

In the end, i put my dream of writing a book on the shelf for a while. For now, I’ll stick to writing this blog and sharing with you my attempt to get back into writing. who knows, maybe you’ll be browsing the fantasy section at your local book store and see Anna Lee Williams on the cover~

(or, you know, my real name. who knows if you’ll know it by then or if i’ll use it)

Anna

Disclaimer: There will be profanity in this post. Read at your own discretion. 

I can’t stand them.

Now, i know this isn’t facebook. and this rant might be a little biased seeing as I’ve had a pretty terrible day of people just jerking me around. But honestly, has something changed? Is there something in the air making people nowadays just complete assholes? I’m serious, here, is it something in the water, maybe? Whatever it is, I’m getting alll set with it.

I feel like this is a new thing. Sure, people were bullied and there were always some bad seeds in the bunch but i feel like people weren’t this rude to one another. We didn’t go out of our way to put others down. We didn’t have any type of shaming, whether it be body shaming or something else. We didn’t care what you did with your life, its your life, you do you.

Now, though, i feel like its all changed. We look through girls on facebook and instagram either looking for a flaw on them or a flaw in ourselves. and our “Friends” don’t stop us. They dont tell us girls “you aren’t fat” or “youre crazy, you dont look like that!”. they go “hm. i dunno. you could lose a little weight. i mean, look at me!” or “haha look at how funny you look what were you thinking when you did that?”. theres no such thing as friends anymore. no one treats eachother equally nor even how they want to be treated. Everyone thinks they are in some way better than everyone else. and its absolutely ridiculous.

This society, this generation of people we are breeding. To put it simply, they are fucked. You know why? Because no one wants to hear your whiney excuses as to why everything should be given to you. No one wants to hear your drama. No one wants to hear fucking any of it. Not in the real world. In the real world, you arent the center of everything. You can’t look at your boss and say “haha look at you why would you wear that it looks horrible!”. You cant expect to keep a job. You can’t expect to have a social life.

But thats the issue, now, isn’t it? there is no longer such a thing as a social life. its all on the fucking internet. Now i am a huuuuuuuuuuge pc gaming nerd – its what i do with 90% of my time and id be a liar if i said i wouldnt be sad if the internet suddenly didn’t work however i feel like technology is doing a whole lot of terrible terrible things to the world as a whole.

Does technology do good things? yes. But that isn’t the argument we are discussing here.

Thanks to our dear friend technology, people dont have to socialize. we don’t have to learn social skills like how to talk to others or how to treat our fellow human beings or what constitutes as the right thing to do vs what constitutes as the bad thing to do. We just use our iphones or androids and look it up. and now children are doing the same thing. it disgusts me to see parents giving in to the technological world and training their kids to be the part of the mindless zombie-like society we are creating.

it needs to be stopped

but it wont be

we will continue, as humans, to think we’re doing a world of good

as the world around us crumbles

because, the thing about people is, they don’t give a damn about anything but themselves.

A very agitated Anna

**sorry for how horribly written this is. like i said, its more of a rant than anything else**

Basically just going to be reviewing the most recent animes I’ve watched and what i liked about them, what i didnt like about them, and if id recommend them. The animes I’ll be talking about today/tomorrow are Blood+ , Naruto/Naruto Shippuden , Darker Than Black, Tokyo Ghoul, Deadman Wonderland,Noragami, K/K Project, Samurai Champloo, Elfen Lied, High School Of The Dead. You can find and watch all animes listed on http://www.animefreak.tv, http://www.crunchyroll.com or just googling them yourself. I have only watched them all in japanese with english subtitles so i will be going off that.

Blood+ 

Description: A girl named Saya awakens from a 30 year sleep living with an adoptive family. She is walking home from school and she hears a violin playing and looks over to see a nicely dressed pale man with his dark hair strung up in a pony tail playing a familiar melody. She cannot figure out where she knows it from or why it sounds familiar. We learn about Sayas long past and her trying not to relive it as well as her trying to change the future for the better. the only problem being, theres a time limit before she goes into her next 30 year sleep. If she doesn’t fix the future now, there will be no world to wake up to.

Pros: unique storyline, interesting backstories, lovely music, characters you fall in love with. also, great intro and ending songs.

Cons: sometimes theres a bit too much backstory

Length: medium, not too long but over 2 seasons long

Do i recommend it?: Most definitely. definitely expect gore though. and a pretty badass katana.

Naruto/Naruto Shippuden 

Description: NARUTO UZUMAKI IS GOING TO BECOME HOKAGE ONE DAY, BELIEVE IT! now, i know i said i watched all these in japanese but i started naruto in english and couldnt handle it because of how utterly obnoxious narutos voice was. however, in japanese its actually an amazing show. theres very little i can tell you as the show has so so so much going on but its about a boy name Uzumaki Naruto whose training to become a ninja. His ultimate dream is to be recognized by the people of his village, Konoha, and he thinks the way to do it is to become the Hokage which is essentially the “king” or “head” of the Hidden Leaf Village of Konoha, where Uzumaki Naruto lives. the problem being, he sucks and just goofs around. we follow naruto through his childhood and his ninja training.

Pros: everything. weaponry, storylines, amazing character development, in both looks and personality. you feel for every character encountered. its like a world is built around you, like a really good book. you feel as though you, too are in the ninja world with Naruto.Also, some great intro and ending songs.

Cons: lots of filler – but all of it relevant.you can skip parts of it but its best to go back. i havent watched all the filler myself however.

Length: long as hell, still not done. Naruto is about 200 episodes and Naruto Shippuden is still chugging along at 416.

Do i recommend it?: most definitely, its worth every second. Naruto is more of a family show, Naruto Shippuden is more serious and more bloody.

Darker Than Black (this is including all 3 seasons, including the ova)

Description: Human-looking creatures called Contractors exist in the world. Each contractor has a super power of sorts but after using it so much, they have to make a payment in accordance to their contract. No one knows who the contact is for or to, all they know are contractors are bad news generally as they have no feelings and are most certainly not human despite their looks and that they only appeared when the Gate appeared. We follow a contractor named Hei/Li, a man who is as merciless a contractor as any and more badass than most.

Pros: Very unique storyline and a surprising attachment to certain characters.

Cons: the ending was highly disappointing. Not even remotely as expected. which could also be a pro, for some.

Length: medium

Do i recommend it?: If your looking for something that you have to pay attention to, yes. but you have to expect twists and turns everywhere.

Tokyo Ghoul

Description: (a bit of spoiler but only from the first episode i suppose) Its Tokyo and Ghouls walk the streets. They look exactly like every other human except they feed on human flesh. They are seen as bad guys by the general public. as one who feeds on human flesh is very similar to vampires and theyre typically bad guys who can’t control their appetites. There are bad ghouls in this world but also good, who just want to blend seemlessly with humans and not kill to get their nourishment. We follow a boy named Kaneki Ken as he realizes that after a chance encounter and accident in which he nearly gets eaten by a ghoul, he himself has turned into one. He is not pleased by this at all and we follow him as he tries to figure out not only how to live his life but also how to live it as a ghoul. Honestly amazing, well thought out and just all around outstanding.

Pros: amazing intro song for the first season, amazing character and atmosphere development. gorgeous graphics, you connect with every character on a personal level. makes you think and is a show where there really are no true bad guys. Just a bunch of people trying to coexist.

Cons: none….but needs to continue because screw where it ended and screw a ova

Length: 2 seasons, ova to come out

Do i recommend it? yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

Deadman Wonderland

Description: (a bit of spoiler but only from the first episode i suppose) There was an incident in the center of Tokyo a few years back in which a red hole opened in the earth. Tokyo is generally abandoned until an amusement park buys the land in the center and opens up Deadman Wonderland, a prison/amusement park hybrid meant to bring in tourists in which prisoners worked at the park and lived in cells beneath it. In the show, we follow a boy named Igarashi Ganta, who is the sole survivor when The Red Man, a man in a red cape that covers all of his face but his smile, massacres his entire middle school class. Needless to say, Ganta is sent to Deadman Wonderland to serve his death sentence when hes found guilty due to video evidence of him admitting it to his lawyer. We follow Ganta as secrets about the prison, and new secrets about himself are revealed. Warning to all, it is very gorey.

Pros: very good, interesting show. different than anything else ive seen and very psychological.

Cons: i Wish the second season hadnt gotten put on hold as it leaves off at an unsatisfactory spot.

Length: 1 season

Do i recommend it? most definitely worth a watch. great intro.

I am going to stop here but will continue reviewing the rest of the animes listed at the top in a new blog post tomorrow. Thanks for reading – let me know what you think of these animes!

Anna

I remember my art teacher with the huge mole by her nose and how i felt that she never liked me. One day, in her class, she brought in a book to read to us about a man who photographed snowflakes. I loved the descriptions and the photos that were in the book but i didn’t get why people thought snowflakes were so beautiful for being different and thought i was weird for the same reason.

i wanted to join band so badly. when they gave us the option, i remember debating whether or not i should sign up or not. throughout elementary school, i did try to play the guitar, violin, trumpet and flute but i could never do it because i was too shy to play in front of my class mates. i felt like they were all watching me, judging me. besides band, we also had to learn how to play the recorder – it was mandatory. i failed every test for the same reason i didn’t join band – i was too shy to play.

Library was my favorite. at this point in time, i wasn’t very interested in reading primarily because there wasn’t really anything that interested me. there was a book with a dragon on the front but the words were too big and i couldn’t get into it at the time. i was jealous at the kids with good reading comprehension who all were reading and raving about the harry potter books when all i could read and comprehend was Junie B Jones. on the good days, when the librarian wasnt paying attention, all us kids would have races around the back room of the library. we would zig zag between shelves and duck and hide as the back room was out of the librarians line of sight. eventually, she would catch us and tell us to knock it off. and we did. i remember seeing two of my classmates playing a Dr Seuss game on the computer in the library when the newer Cat In The Hat movie came out – the creepy lookin one with actual people. I asked them again and again to let me play and they never did, and when i went home and tried to find the same game i never could. a lot happened in that library and though i wasn’t good at reading at the time, i feel that my love of books came from being there, surrounded by them.

Computer lab was probably my least favorite class of elementary school. My computer teacher hated me, absolutely hated me, and never tried to hide it. he was rude to me and wouldnt ever help me when i asked for it. I had trouble with the class not because i wasnt good at typing as i did type fast and accurately but because i  dont type properly – i dont use both of my hands entirely i use my left hand and my middle finger on my right hand. if youve ever taken a typing class, you know how horribly incorrect that is. In the end, before i left elementary school, the teacher who hated me while trying to get me to type “properly” ended up marrying my guidance counselor, who was one of my favorite two people at the school. i didnt know how i felt about that when it happened, because she was so nice and he was so so rude. i didn’t understand what she saw in him or that maybe he wasn’t rude when he was with her.

Gym class they lumped with health as the teacher was the same. i don’t remember much from health class except that we kept the lights off usually because it was so hot on that end of the school. In gym, i have a very specific memory of playing with another girl by the bleachers and looking for the monsters that lived behind them. there was a red one and a green one. this girl was nice to me at times and rude to me at others. she picked on me for how i looked often but way later in high school i figured out she tried to cut her hair short because she wanted short curly hair like mine. i was flattered, but wished id known before, when i felt horrible and ugly, that someone thought something about me was beautiful. There was also a father daughter dance in the gym. my grandfather brought me because my dad wasn’t around. i was glad he did because i really wanted to go and had a really fun night. hes more of a dad to me than anyone else.

i don’t remember much about my actual kindergarten class. i remember my teacher and i remember that on one of the counters by the window, we had a piece of glass that threw off rainbow prisms. I remember that there was another boy who had behavioral problems who people always lumped together with me – i never felt we had anything in common. i always felt he was purposely being a bad kid and i never wanted to be seen as that. i didn’t know how to express my feelings and i was very confused as to how the whole school thing worked. i had gone to daycare but my mother worked at it so i was still spoiled there. in my family, i was the only child till i was 4 and therefore spoiled rotten. in school, i didn’t know why people didn’t spoil me. and i didn’t know why they avoided me. i later found out that i looked different from them, and they weren’t used to it. and when they asked their parents about me, their parents simply told them not to speak to me – that i was bad. i don’t know where the parents got this idea. all i wanted was friends, but all i felt was exiled.

There was a teacher at the school with the same birthday as me. They announced birthdays with the morning announcements and i remember always being so excited when i heard her name. then, i figured out she was the special education teacher – after they tried to put me in her class. i wasn’t good at mathematics. however, they were teaching us multiplication in first grade. i wasn’t special, i just had never seen numbers before and my mind was too underdeveloped to understand them. i fought tooth and nail to not be in that class – i was exiled enough already and i didn’t want to be seen as any more different then my skin color made me appear.

My guidance counselor and the principle were my two favorite people at that school. they were there for me throughout everything. when i got kicked out of class for being too loud, i was typically sent to one of them. instead of punishing me, they would try to talk things through with me. and they didnt try to do it in the condescending way that adults usually do either, they would take out toys and talk to me like a normal adult. my guidance counselor had a teddy bear and my principle had blocks and dinosaurs. If i was ever to visit people from that school again, it would be those two.

we’ll stop this here, at kindergarten, and i’ll continue to write another time about the rest of school. as you may have guessed, i am not white however i grew up in a small town where essentially everyone else is. i believe that was one of my biggest problems in school. if you see “the black sheep” in the title line again, it will just be more about the public schooling i went through.

Anna